This weekend a football game, composed of over-grown, over-fed, hyper-egomaniac, soon-to-be car salesman, grunting-three-hundred pound, football players will take place between two Universities: UCLA and USC. The former, noteworthy institution situated among the Hills of Westwood (with distinguished alumni such as The Puya, B.S. and his eminent colleagues) will be facing off, not only in an athletic match, but one which revolves around fundamental philosophical beliefs. I will not, however, waste your delicate time with these belligerently perceptible points establishing UCLA as the supreme learning institution in the city of angels, as I know that most of you, unlike the whole of the USC student body, are required to study and learn, or actually work. For those of you who go to USC, please e-mail me and I will define these terms—oh wait the poor hoodwinks might not understand that—maybe this will help: daddy said that if you want your allowance and for him to pay your car payments, you have to know what study and learn mean. So, use that box thingy with that thingy with the keys with letters (you know the ABCs) on it, and write an e-mail. Oh, you don’t know what e-mail is? Then, go ask the dealer on the corner where you buy your coke, what study and learn mean, he’ll know….and “work” is when you actually do something to earn money other than go to the sunset strip in your Benz every night,).

With that said, recently last year a horrible tragedy took place on the decrepit Trojan Campus. Although, the higher mortals at UCLA expected it, we simply waited, confident in our stance as the greatest learning institution in Southern California, knowing that soon the truth would be revealed from within the heart of the poor failing institution, protected only by the riches its alumni holds. Yes, dear friends, a USC student poured his heart out in the school newspaper, the Daily Trojan, proclaiming UCLA the more supreme institution. Of course, everyone in SUC (USC) knew that, however, just as they hide their addiction to designer drugs, so too did they disguise their envy of the Blue and Gold. The former link was http://www.dailytrojan.com/article.do?issue=/V147/N61&id=03-confess.61s.html, however it seems as though U$C finally paid to get someone with an IQ over 10 to take away the article. The article can now be found at: http://mike.steinbaugh.com/journal/2002/11/21/usc_loves_ucla.html


Also the great staff at ThePuya.com has managed to get a hold of the official USC application. The link follows: USC Application

Hence, this Saturday, when the Red and Yellow Trojans band plays the same 8 note tune, like a marching band composed of Special-Ed Fourth Graders, with USC fans waving their arms, in the same robotic fashion, illustrating with their hands, their combined IQ of “this many” or Two, take pity on them, shed a tear, and realize the pathetic nature of their circumstance.


Hail to the Sons of Westwood…..




SC Sucks



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